(Sung to the tune of “Heartache Tonight”, by the Eagles)
Somebody’s gonna boff someone
Before the night is through.
Somebody’s gonna chug some cum.
I’m hoping that it’s you.
I’m gonna hook up with somebody
If it takes all night.
I’m gonna get it someone’s pants
For somethin’ wet and tight.
‘Cuz I have a hard-on tonight,
A hard-on tonight, I know.
Yeah, I have a hard-on tonight,
A hard-on tonight, I know.
I need a ho.
I know I could just masturbate.
I’ve held out pretty damned long.
I’d even bone somebody I hate
Just to appease my schlong.
I could just call my ex-girlfriends
Just to see who’s desperate now,
Or find the chicks with the thick rear ends,
‘Cuz those chunky chicks really know how.
‘Cuz I have a hard-on tonight,
A hard-on tonight, I know.
Yeah, I have a hard-on tonight,
A hard-on tonight, I know.
I’ll bring some blow.
Yes, I have a hard-on tonight.
I know I’m a fright,
But if I’m a sight,
Just turn off the fuckin’ light.
I’ve got a hard-on tonight,
A hard-on tonight, I know.
I’m so hot to fuck someone
(Anybody)
Anyone will do.
Even if they’re into kinky-assed fun,
Like golden showers or poo.
(Everybody)
God damn, I need to hit somebody
To satisfy this cock.
If I don’t get into somebody’s pants,
I’m home again with my sock.
I have a fuckin’ hard-on tonight,
A hard-on tonight, I know,
An angry, desperate hard-on tonight,
A hard-on tonight, I know.
Take me to a donkey show.
When the penis gets its itches
Then I start to make my calls
To even ugly bitches
Who can save me from blue balls,
With a hard-on tonight,
A hard-on tonight, I know.
Oh!
I’ve got a hard-on tonight,
A hard-on tonight, I know.